


smile on his lips

by silentdroplets



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Feelings, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide Attempt, yuuri dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 13:45:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10492170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentdroplets/pseuds/silentdroplets
Summary: yuuri loves viktor. he tries, really. he tries his best. he doesn't want to see viktor sad.but one day he finds that he cannot stand the darkness that plagues his mind and hopes viktor will forgive him when he leaves.viktor does.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hahaying43](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hahaying43/gifts).



It’s loud.

 

Yuuri glances at the little machine beside his bed, picks at the little tubes that snake around his body and find their way into his skin, listens for the rhythm in the quiet sounds of the heart monitor.

 

It’s bright.

 

He looks down at unfamiliar, cold hospital clothes draping over his body, feels the scratch of tubes across his arms, inhales, exhales and feels his ribcage throb against his weakening heart.

 

It’s  _painful_.

 

He hears the door swing open somewhere behind him, and when he opens his eyes one final time, he sees the very love of his life standing there.

 

Oh, how he hates to do this to him.

 

_Please, Viktor, forgive me, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this, I shouldn’t be doing this to you, I shouldn’t be leaving, I should have fought harder, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry._

 

He doesn’t say that, though. He swallows his words and looks at Viktor in the eye.

 

Instead, when Viktor reaches over to nuzzle his face into his shoulder, when he hides his face behind Yuuri’s neck to hide the tears, he hugs back, wiping away Viktor’s tears and mustering the energy to smile.

 

“I love you, Viktor.”

 

He watches the man he has loved for the many decades they’ve spent together crumble over him through heavy eyelids, lifting a hand to pull a sleeve to show little scars neatly slashed across his arm.

 

“Thank you for allowing these wounds to heal,” he whispers, and Viktor stares at him. Not with the disbelief he had first seen when he had revealed the blood smeared on his thighs and arms and hips. Not with the shock he had first seen when he had shown Viktor what exactly was playing in his mind.

 

But with the pure, untainted love he had always longed to feel from those he had loved in his life.

 

“You’re welcome, Yuuri,” Viktor chokes out, smiling despite the tears dripping onto the sheets, “it was all for you, after all.”

 

His hand finds Yuuri’s and holds it with the gentle care he had always shown for Yuuri - the man who had changed his life, the man who had taught him so many things, and the man who had given him strength.

 

Even if he’s leaving.

 

“It’s been a lovely time with you, Yuuri,” he says, caressing Yuuri’s fingers with his thumb. “If this is your decision, I will gladly respect it.”

 

Yuuri’s eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion.

 

“Why? Why would you accept the fact that I want to leave?” he asks, even though he’s taught himself to stop harbouring questions that might never be answered, taught himself to stop expecting, because disappointment can only arise from there.

 

This time, however, he feels loved. He feels satisfied, he feels blissful, he feels, for the first time, happy when he whispers a last “I love you too” and closes his eyes for the last time in his life.

 

_“Because this is what you want, and I will do this just for you. I will be strong, I will go on, but I will still remember you, I will still miss you, because I love you, and you may leave with no regrets.”_

 

Viktor leans over to kiss Yuuri and feels him smile against his lips.

 

The heart monitor blares.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed seeing me suffer, cai ying. I hate you. Anyway, happy early birthday!
> 
> Here's a box of tissues if you need. Though I don't think this is angsty enough since I write primarily angst with good endings and fluff (check Feeling For A Direction or Red Isn't My Favourite Colour). Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a great day ahead!
> 
> (come find me at tumblr! it's silentdroplets hehe)


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